


Collide

by yukiscorpio



Category: The Last Remnant
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 11:30:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiscorpio/pseuds/yukiscorpio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When idealism met realism, which would give?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Collide

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on LJ on 19 January 2009.

He did not notice the knocking for a long time, but when he finally heard it, he could tell who was on the other side of the door - qsitis' hands were fleshier, so the knocks sounded more muffled than they would if Emmy or Torgal were knocking. And Blocter would've foregone the etiquette, busted through the door and crushed him with a giant axe.

"Come in, Pagus."

Rush lowered his hands from his face and tried to shift onto his side, giving Pagus a brief smile from where he lay on the bed. "I thought it'd be Torgal coming after my neck."

"Oh, Torgal certainly isn't pleased, but he is busy diverting the attention of your family, as per Lord David's orders." Pagus, dressed in his usual red, waddled over at a pace that should not be possible with such short legs. "How are you, Rush?"

Bad, Rush was tempted to answer, but instead he pushed himself up on an elbow and tried to shrug, doing the best he could not to wince at the pain the simple motion caused. A cracked rib somewhere. That, he could hide. But he had open wounds, and blood on his clothes, and some of this blood wasn't his, even. "I'm fine. How's Dave? You've checked on him?"

"My lord refuses to be treated until you are." Pagus came to a stop before Rush, tilting his head back to look up at the mitra. "But from my initial assessment he would need more than herbs and bed rest," he said, at the same time taking a good look at Rush, "and so would you. Stay still, I am going to mend you."

No sooner had Pagus finished speaking that light and warmth enveloped Rush. Pagus's skill in mystic arts was famed for a reason. Rush felt his wounds close, all his pains ebbing away. But he hardly felt better; he'd stupidly struck out at the friend who had welcomed Rush into his home and risked his own life to help save Rush's family. In return, Rush had gone to hurt him. With a sword. And to what end? None of his problems got resolved. And yet, David had his general see to Rush's wellbeing first and was no doubt covering up the whole thing the best he could. Always the one with the cool head.

When the light finally faded, Rush realised Pagus was peering at him with those huge, wide-set eyes. He felt a bit unnerved. "Um. Thanks."

Pagus sighed. "I was young once, too. My two best friends and I often fought with each other, mostly with words, and sometimes our fists. But never, ever a weapon, my boy." Pagus went as far as putting a hand on Rush's knee. "I know what you're going through, but would you also try to understand my lord's position?"

Rush managed to make some agreeing noises with his throat.

"But seeing you just as cut up as Lord David, he is probably at fault as well. A surprise, since he seldom loses his composure. In any case, I will be making the same speech to him." Pagus paused, letting the brief silence emphasise what he was about to say next. "Do not raise a weapon against Lord David again, whatever reason you may have. He is my lord and the Marquis of Athlum. Consider yourself warned."

"Sorry, Pagus," Rush said to the general already making his way out of the room, his voice devoid of its usual energy. "And thanks." Pagus had every right to ask exactly what happened and how it happened, but chose not to, the way David never pushed for an answer Rush wasn't willing to give. Something he learned from Pagus, perhaps? Even after finding his mother at Numor Mines, David didn't ask anything more when Rush clamped his mouth shut, and nobody else did either, likely ordered not to do so by David.

Sometimes Rush thought David probably _knew_ , or at least had suspicions, which wouldn't be a surprise since David was bound to a Remnant that was like a noose around his neck ready to tighten at any moment, and he must know the true nature of things much better than the others. But this wasn't something even Rush himself was sure about; the memories were too vague and he didn't want to have to confirm anything until he was left with no choice.

It didn't matter either way, whether it was true or not, and whether David knew it or not. Or even if David wanted something in return - his loyalty, his blade, even his talisman, Rush was happy to give him all of those. David had held his hand out to him, helped him up when he thought all was lost, got the best people in the land to look after his father...

Rush buried his face in his hands once more.

His father was still in a coma. The Third Committee still wanted to capture his family. Emma was gone forever. _There was nothing he could do._ And he had let his frustration get the better of him and hurt a friend with a blade, using the arts he'd learned during his stay here. Way to go. Failure at its most brilliant.

But thinking back, perhaps David knew what was coming.

 

_For one day in every moon's turn, Lord David Nassau opened his castle to his people, delivering a speech in the morning and then receiving visitors to listen to their concerns about their families, the land, or their requests for justice. Even with the power struggle happening in the Congress and pressure for David to join the other lords and use the Gae Bolg to quell violence erupting throughout the continent, today David defiantly opened his doors and announced it was business as usual. From the cheers that rose from the folk gathering outside and the castle's men inside, it was clear this was something everyone - the people of Athlum, and those who looked after them - needed._

_Rush had gone with his mother and sister to mingle with the crowd and listen to the marquis's words, first on the official appointment of Emma Honeywell II, then requesting that everyone be vigilant and give the army their full support. He confirmed that the Gae Bolg was still in his possession and a new Remnant would be found to replace the loss of the Valeria Heart. After that he moved on to happier matters such as the new trade agreement with Balterossa. Then various other important people, who Rush guessed were ministers, took their turn to speak, before David took over again to close with a mention that he had just realised this year was General Torgal's bicentennial and they needed additional fire crew in case Athlum got burned down by birthday cake candles. "Anyone interested in volunteering should sign up at that queue over there," and if they didn't get enough volunteers, "the recruitment will be funded by a tax rise." Torgal deserved a medal for being able to remain stoic during the laughter that followed._

_And Rush deserved to be kicked in the head for realising so belatedly that "marquis" was more a title, it was a job and the job description encompassed far more than Rush had bothered to consider before. While he was out and about chatting with the regulars at the pub, David was in meetings, looking at proposals and signing agreements and trying to better the land whilst surrounded by people who probably still compared him with his father._

_"And he's supposed to be just a year older than me," Rush muttered to himself when David left the balcony to go down and personally open the castle gate._

_Irina nudged him and grinned. "Sudden inferiority complex?"_

_"No." He glared at her, then sighed. "Just... look at how much he's gotta handle. He's got a brilliant team and all, but still."_

_"Lord David was thrown into this role while still very young. Sink or swim - it's clear which he has chosen," his mother said. "Although I guess it doesn't help that he is the spitting image of his father. It's hard for anyone to move on and consider him as his own person."_

_Rush recalled the massive painting of David's family in the castle. Just from that, he had a very good idea what David would look like when he grew older. "You've met his dad?"_

_"It was quite a few years ago. Your dad and I were invited to a Congress meeting to make a presentation on behalf of the Academy. The late Marquis of Athlum took his son along too, because Lord David showed a lot of interest in the Academy. The Marquis thought it was the passing interest of a teenager." Marina Sykes lowered her voice. "He wasn't allowed in the meeting, but we spoke outside. He asked us, very directly, whether there was a way to save his father from the Gae Bolg. That was all he wanted to know. It broke my heart then. And when I heard about his father's passing and him binding himself to that same Remnant... oh..."_

_"Mum..." Rush put a hand on his mother's shoulder when she dipped her head._

_"I'm so glad I have you two, and John. So glad." She smiled at her children. "Your father will wake up, I'm sure of it."_

_All Rush could do was nod. He couldn't share that optimism._

_Not allowed to be in the chamber where David held audience with his folk (not that Rush was actually interested anyway, but it reminded him he was merely a guest and not an Athlumian general), Rush had split his day between sitting next to his father bed and staring at Emma's grave, until Blocter came along, told him to stop moping and go hunt some monsters with him. That would have been a very good idea except Blocter got dragged away on some general-related matters before they could set off, leaving Rush geared up, pumping with adrenaline but with no outlet. His mother and sister asked him to go shopping with them - Irina was growing out of her clothes again - but Rush didn't want to go to the women's market or find out what size his sister wore for her smallclothes. And so the day dragged on._

_In the evening, Rush ate dinner in the room next to the kitchen with the castle's staff and listened to the latest gossip: Blocter's dating adventures; the Duchess of Balterossa offering her daughter's hand to David; the variety of flowers sent by Emmy's admirers everyday. It was curious how much these people knew, and how much Rush didn't._

_Night had fallen completely and Rush was on his third pint of Athlumian ale when someone came and announced that Lord David had finally finished for the day and would be taking his meal soon. Rush left before the mad flurry of activity started so that he wouldn't get in anyone's way. He went to sit with his father for a bit, then picked up the armour and sword he had discarded earlier to put them away._

_He wanted to talk to David, there was no denying it. He wanted to talk to someone who could help him sort out that jumble of thoughts in his head, someone who wasn't family and who wouldn't frown at him and say "stop behaving like a boy, you aren't going to be a teenager for much longer." But David had had a very long day and had probably gone to bed straight after the late dinner. To bother him now would really be childish and inconsiderate. To bother David at any point with his own problems was childish and inconsiderate. Rush was the one who had his whole family around him, not the one whose parents were dead, carried the weapon that killed his father and recently had one of his closest aide - and his mother figure - murdered. What right did Rush have to feel depressed?_

_"Rush."_

_Irina was right - he did feel inferior. Not in a "Dave's a marquis and I'm just some dude" way, but David was handling everything with such grace and dignity whilst Rush was agitated and frustrated and going out of his mind._

_"Rush?"_

_Rush stopped. He was at the training grounds outside the armoury, and David was there, dripping with sweat, a blade in his hand._

_"You practising at this time of day?"_

_"Exercise helps me sleep better." David took a good look at Rush. "You look like you have some energy to work off as well. Spar with me?"_

_The idea was tempting, but Rush shook his head. "I had a bit to drink not long ago."_

_"So did I. But not enough to be of concern."_

_Somehow, Rush agreed. It felt great to finally be doing something he was fairly good at and the exercise was much-needed. He wasn't aware of the change of pace, or that at some point both of them had dropped their shields to grip their swords with two hands. But he felt his anger, all those things that were deeply buried, bursting out to the surface and he let that wave carry him and fill his muscles with an almost explosive energy. And David answered to that, matching the new-found strength with his own, driving it even higher._

_Rush didn't realise how far they had gone until his feet suddenly left the ground and he got thrown some twenty feet away. Then he saw Torgal checking his lord over and making a move to carry him, but David refused and said he could walk. And then Rush noticed the blood, on David and on himself. It was probably the blunt practice swords that had saved them from fatal injuries. His hands, still gripping his sword, trembled and couldn't let go. All his energy depleted and the tension that had been holding him together completely drained, he couldn't even move his fingers._

_The next thing he knew, he was in his room, on the bed, and Pagus was coming in to mend his wounds._

 

Despite the exhaustion, Rush knew he wasn't going to fall asleep any time soon. And he was hungry. So he got up, threw on the first jacket he could find and padded to the kitchens. Hopefully there would still be some of tonight's stew left.

Instead, he found the Marquis of Athlum, wearing a robe over his nightclothes, looking around for food.

"What the hell, Dave?" Although sometimes Rush forgot about David's status, this was definitely not something he thought he'd ever see.

David was peering into a pot. He looked up, calm as always. "Rush. Hungry?"

"Y-yeah."

"Let's take the whole pot then, there should be enough for the two of us." He got two spoons and passed them to Rush. "Let's go."

More than a little bit shocked, Rush, armed with two spoons, followed David, who was carrying the pot, all the way from the kitchens to David's ridiculously large bedroom. Rush had never been here before. It seemed more like "the marquis's" room than "David's room", and had a bed that was probably meant for the marquis and his wife, with enough room for their children to play on as well. Rush found himself imagining David, aged fourteen, sleeping in this room for the first time as the marquis. What a horrible thing.

"Hey, you sure this is okay? Eating here?"

"This is my house." David gave a light chuckle. He put the pot down on a table near a window, and they sat close together so that they could both eat out of it. After the first mouthful, Rush lowered his spoon.

"Hey... sorry about earlier."

"That was what I was going to say. I apologise."

"Wha - no, wait..."

"I just felt I really needed to do something like that." David sat back in his chair, glanced at Rush briefly then set his gaze on the ceiling. "To work it out of my system. You looked like you could use some of the same. But I went out of control after a little while. I truly didn't mean to hurt you." His eyes were back on Rush. "I'm sorry."

"Heh, well, nobody died so it's okay?" Things started to click in Rush's mind. He wasn't the only one frustrated, angry and without outlet. "You totally just stole all of my lines. And I thought Torgal was gonna kill me."

"Leave the worrying about Torgal to me."

They quickly finished the food, then David left the chair to sit down on the rug next to his bed. Rush tentatively followed suit.

"Whatever fur this is made of, I want one." Rush stroked the rug with a hand, watching David lean back against the side of his bed. "Hey. Something on your mind?"

"Too many things."

"You know... you could talk to me if you want. We're mates, yeah?"

"Thank you." David smiled. There was always something about the way he said those words that made it sound like he had poured all his sincerity into them. "But not right now. I don't want to let go of these feelings. I want to use them to drive myself forward instead."

Even if David didn't want to tell, Rush could guess at least a few of the things that were plaguing David's mind: Torgal, who still compared David with his father and often let this slip; Emma's death; the matters at the Congress, other lords trying to pressure him into using his Remnant against the people; the Conqueror, who was probably still alive; the loss of Valeria Heart, finding a new Remnant for Athlum that would not do what Gwayn did to Nagapur...

"Rush," David suddenly said, "your father will be all right. We will find Wagram and force him to undo whatever he has done."

"Don't... worry about me. You've got plenty to worry about already."

David pulled his knees to his chest. The long fur of the rug found the gaps between his toes. "The worst feeling in the world is powerlessness," he said, layers of meaning and years of reflection behind his words. "But there are many things that we can still do for Doctor Sykes. Remember this, Rush."

In contrast, most of what plagued David were matters that were out of his hands.

"Thanks, Dave."

What was David really thinking? Did he want to help a friend, did he think Rush's family was a key to solve all the problems surrounding Remnants right now, or was he trying to save Rush's father because he couldn't save his own? Maybe it was all of that, and Rush was relieved, because it meant David wasn't all about Athlum or helping others; he could be selfish, too. A bit of selfishness was what David really needed, perhaps.

Rush searched his brain and found a lighter topic.

"So, a trade agreement with Balterossa, huh? That's what they call it these days?"

"What do you mean?" David tilted his head to the side gently.

"Isn't there some marriage proposal?"

"News does travel fast. Anyway, I turned it down."

"Huh."

"Did I do the wrong thing?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Wait." David frowned a little. "I believe we are not on the same page here. Bertrude di Balterossa contacted me asking about Sir Rush, since she only knows Sir Rush is my guest and very little beyond that."

If Rush was drinking something at that moment, he would have choked. "What?"

"If you are interested in marrying Charlotte di Balterossa, let me know and I will amend my response." Seeing the baffled look on Rush's face, David snorted. "You are their national hero, Sir Rush. Do not look so surprised."

"That Bertrude woman just doesn't want her daughter to run off with Paris again. But you could've at least told me!"

"I guess I did respond a little hastily; I do not wish to lose you to Balterossa." David glanced to one side, embarrassed by his own words. "Since Lady Charlotte is the heir, they would expect you to marry into their family," he added in explanation, then changed the subject slightly. "Did you think the proposal was for me?"

"That's what I heard. And apparently it makes sense."

Lips pursed together, David gave this a bit of thought. "It does. In this case Duchess Bertrude could appoint a different heir. Such a marriage would benefit Athlum as well."

"Wait, you're actually considering this now?"

David just gave a little shrug. Rush scratched the side of his head. How come all of a sudden they were talking about the possibility of a political marriage? "You'd get married for Athlum?"

Wide, incredulous eyes met calm, patient ones. "I belong to my people. Their best interest is the foremost consideration in everything that I do."

"Right, but," but not right. That wasn't right, especially not when Rush just thought David needed to be more selfish. "How about like, kids? Important people get married, they need an heir, right? How does a kid grow up when the parents don't even love each other?"

"My parents' marriage was, at first, also politically-driven. I would like to think I turned out all right."

"But Dave, not everybody's that lucky," said Rush, though he got the feeling that this was an idea David had accepted for far too long for it to be easily budged. "Anyway, you can't marry Charlotte."

"Why not?" David did his inquisitive head-tilt again. Rush's heart skipped a beat - he'd let his mouth run before his brain.

"Cos..." David wouldn't be happy. And... and... "cos Paris is the man she wants, remember? And them getting married would mean the end of all the crap between Royotia and Balterossa! And she's gonna cheat on you with Paris anyway. And once Paris becomes the leader of Royotia he's gonna march his army at you for taking his woman. And any kids you produce with Charlotte would be sooo dark-skinned you wouldn't be able to find them at night. Not so ace."

There was a long silence at first as David took a long look at Rush, then the corners of his mouth twitched, and finally he burst into laughter. He bent forward, brushing shoulders with Rush, his forehead resting on his knees, trying to laugh and speak at the same time. "You... do have a point... I shall... discard the... idea then..."

Thinking about what he just said, Rush started to chuckle too. What stupidity was that?

"'Not so ace' indeed," said David, turning his head just enough to look at Rush, his eyes still laughing. For a brief moment he actually looked like the teenager he was. "Thank you. I needed that."

Rush scratched the back of his head. "Anyway. You might find someone you like _and_ who's good for Athlum, yanno."

David arched his eyebrows.

"What?" asked Rush.

"Nothing."

After some mutual staring, Rush decided not to ask. There was something he'd been considering for a long while and now seemed the right time to bring it up. He reached inside his nightshirt and pulled out the talisman. When he concentrated, the crystal illuminated their faces with green light. "Say, Dave... do you want this?"

Rush could feel David stiffen beside him. "You knew."

"I guessed. It's okay. If you want it-"

"No. It is a gift from your mother for your protection."

"I think mum'd be happy to let you have it. She'd probably adopt you if she could, yanno." The green light faded. "I just think... that time I ran into the battlefield, the day we met? It protected Emma and me from the Gae Bolg, right? So maybe, if the time really comes..."

It was difficult to decipher what David could be thinking. His face was unreadable; he had perfected the mask a marquis needed to wear. He said nothing, but when Rush made the move to remove the talisman, he stopped him.

"Thank you for your offer, but it will not come to that," David said easily, as if they weren't talking about his fate, but the weather. "Even if I wanted to, I cannot use the Gae Bolg without the Duke of Celapaleis's permission. And remember, he is one of the few against using the Remnants right now."

David wasn't going to accept, although what he said just now were only comforting words. After all that had happened, he would not hesitate to use his Remnant if needs be, with or without Qubine's blessing, Rush was sure about that much.

"Well." Rush put the talisman away. "I'll keep it for now. If you need to use the Gae Bolg, I've got your back. Then you can have it when all this mess is over. I've bound it, but Irina can do something about that."

"Rush..."

"Really. I won't need it then. And you should keep it because Athlum needs you. It'll be a second-hand Remnant, but just one known owner."

The rapid change of tone made David chuckle, although it was obvious he was seriously considering the offer. He sat up a bit better, shifting just enough that their arms and shoulders would not touch. "Thank you. I will think about it."

They fell silent after that. Brows furrowed and lips pressed into a thin line, David seemed to be deep in thought.

"You make me talk to you about stuff that's bothering me, but you never talk to me. That's pretty crappy, you know." Whatever David had on his mind, Rush wanted to shake it out of him. It was only fair.

David blinked in the semi-darkness. "That's not my intention."

"Guess I'm not allowed to, huh." Just one step away from saying "a peasant like me isn't important enough to listen to the concerns of the Marquis of Athlum." Rush made a move to stand, hoping that would be enough to make David change his mind.

And it was. "Come now." A hand grasp Rush's wrist, tugging him to sit down again. "Don't be angry."

"You know what's worse than being powerless? People assuming you're powerless to do something before you even know what it is."

Sighing heavily as if defeated, David gestured for Rush to sit down. "You are impossible."

"Hello pot, meet kettle?"

David took a deep breath and adopted the tone he used for diplomatic discussions. "I've talked to your mother and asked her if she had any future plans. She let me know that after all this is over, she intends to disassociate herself from the Academy and take her family back to Eulam."

"Why is this about me? I thought we're talking about you."

"Before that, I had been entertaining the idea of asking you to stay," said David, looking away. "You would be good for Athlum."

"Dave, I..." Lost for words, Rush scooted around on the rug, trying to catch David's eyes. He hadn't thought that far ahead. All he wanted was for everyone to be together, happy and healthy. It didn't matter where - Eulam, Athlum, even those stinking aqueducts beneath Nagapur, it didn't matter as long as they were all together. But that was a thought based entirely on his short-sighted idealism.

David held up an arm, as if to stop Rush from intruding further. "I completely respect Doctor Sykes's wishes. Family is her priority. And yours too. Nobody should be separated from their family unless there is no choice."

Rush thought of the painting of David's parents. Of Emma. Of the garden David frequently spent time in, lost in his own thoughts. Of his own mother fussing over him, often as David looked on. But David didn't want to be pitied - he was simply being realistic.

"When you are ready to leave, if you could let me have your talisman, I would be grateful." David smiled again, but Rush knew this one was forced. He went back to sit next to David, realising that he had probably pushed too hard and David had been keeping this to himself so that Rush would not feel any guilt when it was time to leave. But Rush had never thought about leaving. He just, perhaps selfishly, wanted everyone to be around him, completely forgetting that Athlum wasn't just David's pride, but also his prison.

When idealism met realism, which would give?

"I haven't thought that far. Honestly, I haven't thought about what happens after finding Wagram and the Conqueror and making them pay for what they've done. I... I haven't thought about going home or going anywhere."

"Rush, it's fine."

"No, really. Really. I'll talk mum into staying. Mum and dad've been researchers all their lives, they'd twitch after a week of Eulam with nothing to poke at. They can find stuff to do in Athlum instead. Irina loves the shopping here. I'll talk everyone into staying."

David gaped, surprised by the possibilities Rush so easily presented. "You don't have to do that."

"But I want to. Man, why'd I want to go back to the island after coming to a big city like this?" Rush waved his arms, doing a comparison of Eulam and Athlum. "And," he quieted down a bit, "I have my talisman. I'll stay and I'll be here when you need me." He wasn't unaware of how his words sounded, but that was exactly what he meant and there was no other way to say it. "Dave?"

David had turned towards him, his face once again unreadable. Somehow, even before David figured out what he was doing himself, Rush knew. And just as he had never thought about the future beyond the Remnant wars, he had never thought about this either - but when the question was asked, he knew what his answer was. When David stopped, not daring - or perhaps waiting for Rush - to cross that final bit of distance between them, Rush leaned forward to press his lips on David's in the briefest of kiss.

The contact lasted no longer than the blink of the eye, but it left Rush breathless. The way David's eyes stayed on him, their faces still so close Rush could feel warm breath on his skin, only made it worse.

And then David pulled back. "Thank you, Rush," his voice was quiet, his tone calm. "Whatever you choose to do in the future, thank you for caring."

He should go. They both needed the space to think. How did they go from almost killing each other, to this, in one day? Or had it all been happening even before Rush realised?

"Time for bed." Getting up, Rush padded to the door, still too many things on his mind, but at least one had became crystal clear. "I'll stay after the war is over. I won't go anywhere, promise."

David only nodded, and smiled.

"Good night."

 

 

[end]


End file.
